You can get a laugh and an exaggerated glimpse inside the antique business by visiting your local library. There you'll find a series of fictional books about a prankish British antique dealer named Lovejoy and his fond-of-drink elderly friend, Tinker. This week, as a fun way of learning about American "tea tables" let's tag along with Jonathan Gash's characters as they spot a valuable Chippendale (1750-1775) mahogany "dish-top" tea table as its being unloaded into the parking lot of lackluster Maine shop.

Tinker:  "Look what that overall-clad trinket dealer just pulled out of his truck, Lovejoy. It's like swan landing in a mud puddle!"

Tinker points to a valuable "tripod" (three legged) table with a 36" round top. The beautifully grained one board mahogany top had been worked down by an old day cabinetmaker with chisels and sandpaper while hand-turning on a lathe leaving a thin raised "dishtop" rim around the edge. This feature makes the table more valuable than if it just had a "plain" flat top. The fanciest 18th century tea table tops were "scallop" carved around the rim with a repeating set of curves and undulations. The best of these highly developed rococo styled tables with "pie-crust" tops can sell for enormous sums at auction.

Lovejoy:  "I see it, Tink. It's only a dishtop tea table and I think the top's replaced. The ball & claw foot carved base is too fancy for it. Keep your eyes in their sockets. Maybe we can buy it cheap.

Old tea table tops are normally supported on their "column" by a "bird-cage" unit. The bird-cage supports the top while freeing it to swivel and flip-up perpendicular to the ground. Thus, when not in use, the owner could store her table handsomely in the corner of a room. Old tea table tops were designed to they could be easily removed for transport.

Lovejoy approaches the truck. The dealer sets his table down on the pavement, next to an assemblage of oak furnishings. Then, to Lovejoy and Tinkers amazement, a second tea table is produced. This one has a pie-crust top!   The restrained base doesn't seem to fit, however. Lovejoy and Tinker recognize instantly, at some point in their life, two great tables have had their tops switched. They are mismatched frogs awaiting restoration to their Princely beginnings.

"These two tables have replacement tops," Lovejoy says, not letting on what he knows. He winks at his now bubbling assistant. "I'll take 'em off your hands anyway," Lovejoy says. "How much is this one?"

"The dish top is twenty-thousand," the man replies in a Maine droll.

"That's too much for a replacement top!" Tinker barks, throwing a nasty glance at the dealer.

"How much is the pie-crust?"  Lovejoy asks.

"That's twenty-thousand too," the man replies.

"I'll take both," Lovejoy says, reaching for his checkbook.

"Different price for BOTH," the man says.

Lovejoy frowns, knowing that the doltish appearing Yankee knows more about his tables than he lets on. He's been teasing them.

Pulling a pencil of his ear, the man eyes Lovejoy and Tinker like a poker opponent holding five aces. "If you want to buy BOTH tables the price is  ..."  He writes a six digit number down on a piece of paper. It is more money than Lovejoy and Tinker can fathom. Their chance at obtaining two legitimate American tea tables has been snuffed out.

"Rude folk like yourselves should know something about tables in Maine," the man says,  "they can turn easy."

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